The Tara Koehler Blog

Why is it called a "cat nap" when cats sleep 20 hours a day?

2009-03-26T20:49:00.002-07:00

I'm so exhausted. Things have been so hectic lately. Graduating in June, the new house, quitting my job, doubling up on classes, and beginning student teaching, I'm surprised I haven't lost my mind yet. Student teaching is getting closer and closer and I'm getting more nervous by the minute. It was one thing when I was in the long-term subbing position because I was alone in the classroom. I didn't have a choice but to teach them. Now it will be completely different because someone will be watching every move I make. Luckily, it seems I was paired up with a great teacher for this.

I'm excited to move on from Durango Animal Hospital. It's been 7 years. My heart just isn't in it anymore. I'm tired of the cranky clients and tired of the employees that are a waste of space. I don't mean to be so negative, Durango has been so good to me. I'm just ready for my new adventure.

Graduation is June 6th and I feel great about it! Some of my classmates (older and younger) aren't sending out announcments and aren't that excited about the commencment ceremony. What?!?! I'm so proud of myself and I want the world to know about it!

That's all for now. I will be posting before and after pictures of the house soon! ; )

2009-03-26T20:49:00.001-07:00

The Twilight Obsession..

2009-01-10T19:32:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you've heard of the Twilight Saga, if nothing else, the movie that came out a few months ago. A word to the wise... DON'T READ THEM! Don't even begin to think about it...

I was content with my life...Happily married, about to get my teaching degree... and then this force hits me so hard I can barely speak about it. Twilight. It has completely taken over my life. It's all I can think about, all I can dream about. I didn't realize someone could be so addicted to something.. especially something like this. I'm almost 26 years old! I'm not a silly, romance-crazed teenager! What is the hell is going on?!?!

I've pre-ordered the DVD, which doesn't come out until March 21st and made sure to have next-day shipping. Let me say,that the book is much better than the movie, but because I'm so obsessed, I don't care. I can just picture it now... the Twilight DVD running continuously in my bedroom everyday until New Moon (the next book in the series) comes out on DVD, which will begin filming next month. (I'm sure my husband will love that...)

Let me talk for a minute about the REAL reason I am so obsessed with this series... Edward Cullen. He is quite possibly the greatest character ever created. So great in fact, that though all of this is make-believe, he seems so real. I find myself comparing him to my husband often. Though my husband is wonderful and I love him more than anything, he is no match for make-believe Edward. My husband can't live for eternity, he doesn't sparkle, he doesn't whisk me away to Isle Esme for weeks at a time, he doesn't have the strong urge to kill me at times (that I know of), he doesn't drive a shiny Volvo, he doesn't save my life on a daily basis, he doesn't say things like "I promise to love you forever- every single day of forever" and "Sleep my Bella. Dream happy dreams.You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love."

So I joined this website..."Twilighters Anonymous". It's unfortunately not like the similarly named "Alcoholics Anonymous", I'm not getting any help there. It's actually made things worse. I've started reading the series over again... Because I didn't know what else to do.The author began writing an additional book to follow the first four,but it was leaked online when she was in the middle of it and she got really mad and stopped writing. I, of course, read what was posted online and wasn't satisfied. I wanted more. What am I to do?

I was talking to my friend Miriah the other day about my obsession, she too has an obsession. She said we, as humans, are always addicted to something, some things more obvious than others. It's just who we are. I think she was right. I've just never felt this way about an inanimate object before. I'd rather be addicted to drugs... I hope this goes away soon, but I have a feeling that won't be the case... Please, if you can save yourself, do so.

My New Life...

2008-10-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

Wow! This past week has been so crazy! I was offered a long-term subbing position at Smalley Elementary School and of course, I took it. 2nd grade! Monday, I cried for two hours when I got home. It was horrible.... Let me do a little explaining.

Smalley is on a track system where the tracks take turns on break for a few weeks while the others stay in school. They don't have a "summer break". Anyway, 2nd grade didn't form a Track 2 because they didn't have a teacher to teach it. In turn, all the other 2nd grade classes were overbooked with students. September 16th was "leveling off day" where the district decides how many teachers they need to hire. It's rather ridiculous... It should be done before school starts... After the leveling off day, they realized they had to add a track 2, but still could not find a teacher to teach it. That's where I come in. They asked me to temporarily teach the class until they can hire a licensed teacher.

A few problems. The students that make up my class were randomly pulled from the other 2nd grade classes with licensed teachers... and moved to my class, with only a substitute license. I would be pretty upset if I were a parent. Several parents pulled their children from the school altogether! I don't blame them! I know not to take it personally, I'm just trying to help. So these parents are so upset and I'm having a hard time trying to get them to trust me. I mean, I WILL be a licensed teacher in 10 months... I'm trying so hard to prove to the parents and to the principal that I CAN do this job!

It's been 5 school days, and I have fallen in love with each and every one of my students! I feel like they're mine! It's crazy! I don't want to leave them! I mean, I want them to have a licensed teacher, but I also think I'm doing a pretty good job myself. I'm investing so much into this temporary position and I know I'm going to be disappointed. I'm getting more and more comfortable with classroom management and with the school's requirements. I don't want to leave!!

I am beginning to realize how much work is involved in teaching... I went from working 5.5 hours a day, 4 days a week to 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. It's so much! A dramatic change for me. After one week though, I'm getting used to it.

So, that's my new life!

Some inspiring words to live by...

2008-09-01T08:44:00.001-07:00

Happiness

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are.

After that we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, “for a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin-real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time… and remember that time waits for no one.

So stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer until fall, until winter, until the first or the fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you’ve had a drink, until you’ve sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy…Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Marriage... A rant

2008-07-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

Can someone please explain to me how people take marriage so lightly?

I don't understand how people can get divorced quicker than they were married. Now, there are some circumstances where I understand it is necessary to get a divorce. In my mins, they should be few and far between. America's divorce rate is somewhere near 55%... 55%? Are you kidding me?!?! More than half of all marriages end in divorce?? What is this world coming to?

To everyone not even trying to work on their marriage... No one said it was easy! No one said you wouldn't have to work on it! No one said to bring a child into this world only to try and survive as a single mother or father. (Nothing against single mothers and fathers making it work. I give them so much credit.) But did it have to come to that? Really?

I plan on staying married forever. I am 25, very much in love. If for some reason, down the road, things do get rough... We will work on it, and work on it, and work on it. THEN, if there's nothing left to work on and all options have been tried, divorce will be discussed. Hopefully, I'll never have to worry about that!

I just wish people would try harder. I know we're in an age where everything is light seconds away and people can have whatever they want when they want it, but if things continue this way, can you image what it will be like 20 years from now?

I will teach my children how important marriage is. How it can be so amazing. How it can be so hard. How it is worth every fight. How it can be so strong. How it can be so exhausting. How it is something to be cherished.

To everyone working hard on their marriage, this is dedicated to you.

Call of Duty 4

2008-07-10T18:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, let me do a bit of explaining here... I truly have the best husband in the world. We have been together for almost 9 years and I have enjoyed every second of it. That being said, I want to talk about this little game called Call of Duty 4. Since my husband got the X-BOX 360, he has spent a good amount of time on it, which is fine with me... At least I know we are getting our money's worth!

Things have changed however, ever since he began playing this game. I kid you not, he is playing it AT LEAST 2 hours a day. He has it hooked up to the internet and is able to play with people all over the world. Some days, he spends 4 or more hours playing! He puts on the little headset so he can chat with his teammates. He honestly looks rather ridiculous!

There is a website dedicated to the wives of another game called World of Warcraft where they discuss losing their husbands to this game. I personally have a good friend, a female by the way, who is totally addicted to that game and can see how husbands lose their wives over it. Crazy, right? Where's the Call of Duty wives page??

Now, I would never divorce my husband because he plays Call of Duty too much, never. I look at it this way... I would much rather have him sitting on the couch, yelling at other guys across the world, taking up my big screen, than have him out at a bar with his friends or worse... Not saying that that's what he'd be doing if he weren't playing Call of Duty...I'm just putting it into perspective. In all honesty, if he weren't playing Call of Duty, he'd probably be sitting in the same spot on the couch, watching TV... Either that or he'd be pressuring me to go out and spend money...

So, to any wives who know what I'm going through... ahhhh! And if you don't understand, you're lucky!

4th of July Weekend!

2008-07-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

Wow! This past weekend was the 4th of July. Shane and I were invited to go to Big Rock, Utah
for the weekend with our good friends Mike and Shannan, their kids, some of their friends Dave & Sheila, their kids, Shane's friend from work Billy and his friend visiting from Florida, Lucy. We got there early Friday afternoon and boy was the weather wonderful! Here's the cabins we stayed in: FRIDAY: When we got there, we got settled and tried to fish. There is a river that passes right through where we stayed! The only thing that was caught all weekend was a tree branch! It was pretty funny! After the fishing attempt, we drove to Marysvale (the closest town) to light fireworks and watch some that the town put on. For such a small town, they sure put on a show! We had a good time! SATURDAY: We woke up early because we rented some ATVs. They have amazing ATV trails there. Here's some pictures of us riding! So, later in the day the boys decided to take us on this steep trail up a mountain where I almost died :) Okay, so I didn't almost die, but it felt like it! That night, we had a bit to drink! Okay, so it was Shane who had a bit to drink! Haha! Though, I did drink a little! So Saturday night, we were actually able to watch the UFC fight at the bar
around the corner from our cabin. We were very happy because we were worried we wouldn't be able to see it! After the fight, we went back to the cabins and roasted marshmallows. Dave had a lot to drink... What his wife and Shannan did to him can only be described by the picture. Yes, it was so funny! We had such a good weekend! I love having great friends! We are definitely going back next year! Here's to great friends and great times! Thanks for a wonderful weekend!

For My Dad... I Love You

2008-06-25T20:53:00.001-07:00

Here he is, my wonderful father (he's the one standing next to me of course). This picture was taken at my wedding reception in 2006. He looks very handsome in this picture!

My parents were divorced when I was very young, thank goodness! I don't know how they were ever together... but that was a long time ago... Thank goodness they were together though, or I wouldn't be here to tell you this story!

I am so lucky to have this man as my father.

My best friend's Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in late 2006. The doctors told him he had no longer than a year to live. He lived about a year and a half and for most of that time was pretty healthy. He was such a fighter. He passed away April 10, 2008. Watching what my best friend went through was absolutely heartbreaking. I can't imagine ever having to go through what she went through. I love you Michelle!

My Dad has been a smoker for over 20 years. When I found about Michelle's Dad's diagnosis, I called my Dad crying, telling him I can't imagine ever having to hear that about him. I told him how important he was to me and that I could not lose him to something so terrible. I asked him at that time if he could at least get checked out by a doctor. He told me without hesitation that he would. The very next day, my Dad called me and said he was quitting smoking completely. I know he wasn't doing it for me, it was for himself. I cannot tell you how happy I felt hearing that. At that time, there was two weeks left until the New Year. He said December 31, 2006 was the last time he was ever going to smoke.

My Dad has not picked up a cigarette since December 31st, 2006. I can't even express how proud I am of him. I personally don't know what it's like to have an addiction like that, but I image it is not easy to quit something you've done for over 20 years. I now have the reassurance cigarettes will not kill him. He will be able to watch his grandchild/ren grow up.

Dad, I love you so much. You are such an important part of my life and I can't image it without you.

This blog is dedicated to Michael Bruening who passed away of lung cancer April 10, 2008. You are deeply missed by your family and friends.

Hurray!

2008-06-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

Hurray! Today, I was approved for substitute teaching! I figured I would be approved because the school district has such a shortage, but I was still a bit nervous! So here's the deal...

I have orientation the second week of July. From what I hear, it is a 2-day seminar to prepare you for subbing. Fun! I have to get fingerprinted ($50!) and get my substitute license ($150!). Holding a substitute license requires you to sub at least 2 days a month. That's about all I am going to do, at least for now. Ideally, I would like to get into a long-term subbing position in the school district. Being a long-term sub has basically the same duties as a regular teacher, minus the salary (not that a teacher's salary is something to be proud of). On a side note, I want to put this out there... I don't believe a teacher's salary is that bad... As a teacher, you are only required to come to work 180 days out of the year! Not to mention the health benefits and pension. I think it's fantastic! Not saying I don't believe teachers should make more, because I absolutely do, but it's not that big of a deal to me.

Back to long-term subbing... I think a long-term sub position gets $110 a day, which is about what I'm making now at the vet. Though I don't feel ready to jump into a classroom, I don't think I'll ever be fully ready... Even when I graduate in 11 months : ) (Can you tell I'm excited about that?) I think subbing will get me much more prepared for my student teaching in April, which I'm absolutely terrified about.

This whole teaching thing has really taken my mind off of having a baby, which is good I think. I hope I can keep this busy for the next 15 months... I have a feeling I can!

TTC Break....

2008-06-09T14:06:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official. I've started my tuntil October of 2o09. Yes, I said 2009! With school, student teaching, working at the vet, and substitute teaching, that's about the earliest date I can imagine to try again. I didn't see the BFP (please refer to the previous post for the definition of this term) I wanted to on Sunday. I thought for sure this month was it. Having a baby is the most important thing in my rying to conceive break. It unfortunately doesn't end life right now........ so is becoming a teacher. I had such a hard decision to make and I made it with the following factors:

1. I am only 25 years old. I have so much more time to have a child.
2. It is only a 16 month wait to try again. 16 months. Really? I know it will fly by.
3. I want to teach so bad. Being a first year teacher with a newborn would be so hard, not impossible, just very hard.
4. I have more time to get financially stable
5. I'm going to lose weight and get healthy!

There it is. I really need to take the time here to talk about my mother. My mother is amazing. When I was younger, we were not as close as I would have liked. (completely my fault) Now, we have this amazing bond and I am so grateful for her. I don't know what I would have done these past 8 months without her. She has definitely become my rock. I love her so much.

So, 16 months it is. My husband is a bit bummed, but ultimately agrees with my decision. He knows how important for me it is to graduate on time. I am so happy to have this man in my life. He is so wonderful to me. I am one lucky woman.

Time to head back to the gym. I have decided to re-join Weight-Watchers. Before my wedding I joined and lost 25 pounds. It works very well for me. I have gained so much weight the past year. Partially due to stress and the majority due to stress! Haha!

Here's to the future! Health and happiness! And a baby...... eventually.

I'm waiting for my BFP

2008-06-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

For those who know about TTC (trying to conceive), you know exactly what a BFP is.... Big Fat Positive that is. I've only been waiting a few months, but I honestly believe this is it for me. The timing couldn't be more perfect. I deserve this.

I've seen a BFP two other times, only to end in miscarriage. Now that they found out what is wrong with me, I am hoping to have a BFP with a healthy and happy 9 months. To be honest though, when I do see that BFP, the excitement of being pregnant has been washed down the drain. Having two failed pregnancies makes me terrified for another disappointment. I don't think I will ever be able to enjoy the joy of pregnancy. Even after I get through the 1st trimester, I will still be completely terrified...

So, I am testing this Sunday, June 8th. I will be in California when I test for a... what else.... paintball tournament!! HaHa! Everyone reading... if anyone even reads this, please think positively for me! BFP, BFP, BFP!!

Substitute Teaching... A New Adventure!

2008-05-27T16:29:00.000-07:00

I put in my application for substitute teaching last week. I have an interview on June 11th., which happens to be the day before my husband's lasik surgery. As if I'm not stressed enough about that! If all goes well, I will probably be subbing by the middle of June. I'm terrified! For those who know me, know I'm h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e with change. I'm the type of person who could eat the same meal every day and not get sick of it.

To fathom the thought of going to a different school every day and seeing different students every day scares the crap out of me...

This is something I have to do. If I want to be a great teacher, I have to get over this fear. Do I need to just jump in the deep end fully clothed? I feel as if I am not even a little bit prepared for what is about to come. Maybe this will be good for me. I am a planner, every detail of my life. This is something I cannot plan. Can I be that "fly by the seat of my pants girl?" I guess we'll see.

Paintball, Paintball, Paintball

2008-05-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

Much of our time, meaning my husband's and mine, has been consumed with paintball. My husband has been playing paintball for a few years now. He's on a team called Malicious Intent and they travel around Nevada and California for tournaments. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE that he is so ambitious about this. I love how much he loves it and I'm actually starting to love it too.My main concern is the money aspect of it all. I'll tell you that a case of paint, which is 2,000 balls, costs between $30 & $50. This case of paint will maybe last 20 minutes in a tournament that usually lasts 8 hours. You put into that the cost of his 2 paintball guns, averaging $800 a piece, pants, jersey, mask, padding, tools, upgrades, and much more and you've dug yourself one hell of a hole. Not to mention the cost of entering these tournaments, usually between $150 & $200 per person! On average, I say he spends approximately $500 a month on paintball.

My husband is by far the bread winner between the two of us. He pays 90% of our bills and works VERY hard as a mechanic. He always says, "I work hard, I want to play hard." I completely understand. He should do the things that he wants to do. I am by no means hurting. He always gets me what I want, when I want it. That's not the issue either... So what IS the issue??? I don't really know.

I guess a part of me thinks we could put this $500 a month in the savings account. Or maybe take a cruise...Or who knows what else? On the other hand, I honestly believe you should do what you want today because there may not be a tomorrow.

So what am I trying to say?....... good question.

I have to do what?!?!

2008-05-22T18:13:00.000-07:00

I went to see a Hematologist on Tuesday because of my blood clotting disorder. Besides making me more confused than when I walked in his door, he mentioned that it was more than likely I would have to INJECT myself every day of my pregnancy with blood thinners... What?!?! Now, I was previously told that I would probably have to take a low dose aspirin every day for the rest of my life to prevent any future vascular problems and it was a SMALL possibility that I would need to do the blood thinner injections while pregnant. but with this almost certain diagnosis, it is finally sinking in...

Can someone explain to me how women on heroin and crack can have healthy babies and someone who is healthy and ready to start a family can't??

This is so frustrating. It makes no sense...

People always tell me, "It will happen when it's supposed to happen." Do you know how tired I am of hearing that statement?!?! I don't believe that for one second. It's not SUPPOSED to happen at all for those women I just mentioned on drugs, but it does... So what is the reason, really....

An Introduction...

2008-05-21T19:37:00.000-07:00

So, here we go... I decided to start a blog for two reasons: first to keep my family and friends updated on my life and secondly, for myself to vent. So thank you in advance for listening...

A little background: My life has been a bit hectic the past few months to say the least. My husband Shane and I decided to have a baby. Did I mention I am full-time in college and working part-time?? I am graduating in 12 months with a Bachelor's Degree in Elementary Education. School is getting more involved and more difficult as the days go by. I'm now involved in observation at Elementary schools and my student teaching begins early next year. With all of this going on, yes, I still want a child... now!

After 2 unfortunate miscarriages (the first in late in 2007 and the second in early 2008), I was diagnosed with Compound Heterozygous MTHFR.... What?!?! Basically, it is a gene mutation disorder that causes blood clots. Now on 9 different vitamins a day, hopefully I will be able to carry a healthy baby to term!

Trying to conceive has stolen my sanity! I am completely obsessed with TTC. I spend hours a day on a pregnancy forum chatting with other women who are having trouble getting and staying pregnant. As you can imagine, it is affecting other aspects of my life....

That is all for now. I'm exhausted and will leave you at the edge of your seat for my next post. : )